Green Zone Review

Why am I reviewing Green Zone and not The Hurt Locker, winner of six Academy Awards? Because I didn’t catch The Hurt Locker while it was showing at my local cinema and I’ll be damned if I’m paying sixteen bucks to see it at the Megaplex; that’s why. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun with Green Zone, right kids? Personally, I’ve been itching to see Matt Damon kick some ass ever since "The Informant!" Does Matt kick ass? Does this Green Zone kick ass? Read on to find out and don’t just scroll to the end like a douche.

Set in a 2003 Baghdad, the film begins with an Iraqi General being evacuated from his home by his entourage as the Americans begin liberating the living shit out of the city from the air. Amongst the hustling about the General grabs a small, no doubt important, notebook from his safe and slips it to one of his cronies before cheesing it in his motorcade. I wonder if he and his notebook will come into play later on.

So the Americans have begun their search for WMDs in Iraq and our hero, Chief Warrant Officer Roy Miller, is greatly dissatisfied with the inaccuracy of the "intelligence" he and his team have to act on. When Miller questions his superiors about the intel, he is told to stop asking questions and just follow orders. (Conspiracy! Conspiracy, I say!) His team is then sent to go dig up a playground which makes perfect sense given Iraqi children’s penchant for building weapons of mass destruction. While the Americans are digging themselves a hole, a local man tips Miller off about some most-wanteds having a secret powwow nearby. Miller manages to tear a few of his men away from the excitement of repeatedly plunging shovels into the dirt to go and investigate. Discoveries are made, questions are raised and Miller sets out to make sense of it. I think someone gets shot at some point.

"Venting prevents ex-plo-si-on"

Matt Damon⁺You’re doing the voice, aren’t you?  plays Roy Miller    who, despite what you may think, is not just Jason Bourne in fatigues. Sure, they’re both ass-kickers with weapons training and a subscription to Face Crushers weekly, but they have their differences too. For example, Bourne knows how to use a hand towel in a fist-fight while Miller knows how to sniff out a government cover up using Google. Miller and Bourne are both out for answers, but Bourne goes about it like a deadly covert agent, where as Miller goes about it more like a cop. Even if Damon was just channelling the same character, it would only make him as bad as the average action hero or comedic actor anyway. I liked Miller and I think Matt Damon⁺Stop it!  did a great job.

Greg Kinnear plays Matt Damon’s conjoined twin. But that’s a different movie. In this movie, Kinnear plays Clark Poundstone    of the Pentagon Special Intelligence who is the closest person to "Magellan", the person telling the Americans where the wild goose hid the red herring. Greg is too convincing a jerk not to be one in real life. Anyone who knows him personally can feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. Mr. Kinnear, you can plead your case in the comments. I do like Greg Kinnear though and I think he plays this role effectively.

Brendan Gleeson plays CIA Baghdad bureau Chief, Martin Brown   , but will always bee Mad-eye Moody    to me. Like Miller, Brown too detects the odour of fish in the air and wants to work together to get to the bottom of things. Gleeson’s role is central, but minor and he gives a good performance.

Yigal Naor plays General Al-rawi   , our friend from the opening scene who is lying low now that Saddam is no longer running things. He and his men are waiting to see if the Americans will request their cooperation or declared them outlaws; friend or foe? Gee, I hope the Americans make the right decision.

Amy Ryan plays the completely useless and uninteresting journalist, Lawrie Dayne   , who I only mention so that you know there is at least one female in the film. Other than her, it’s a total sausage fest. "I'm a reporter. Here's my card. Now, go investigate for me." Thanks, Ryan. Shall I pick up your dry-cleaning too?

"Look at the state of this country. It's a good thing we showed up."

Visuals are mostly good. There are some really nice shots and interesting sights. The shaky cam enhances the realism, but it’s just too damn shaky and difficult to watch. If you go to see this film at the cinema, DO NOT sit in the front row unless you want motion sickness. If you’re a fan of motion sickness, sit in the front row, by all means. Don't say I didn't warn you.⁺or anything else bad about me for that matter. I'm a nice guy just trying to get by. I don't need your shit. Fuck you.  In some of the darker scenes, the picture is incredibly grainy. I'm talking grainy to the point where it looks like it was shot on a mobile phone. I’m actually surprised these shots made it into the final cut. They represent easily the worst picture quality I have seen in a commercial movie release. And I've seen Cloverfield!⁺It’s only gay if you enjoyed it. 



Some people have called this film "The Bourne Insurgency"⁺I was disappointed when Google told me I wasn’t first to come up with that title  given the similarities between it and the Bourne series. Both share the same lead actor and director (except for The Bourne Identity) and they both involve said male lead railing against "the man" and his conspiratorial ways. I myself didn’t find Green Zone overly Bourne-ish, not that it would necessarily be a bad thing if it were. From memory, the Bourne movies were quite good. If you didn’t like The Bourne Shenanigans, don’t write off Green Zone based on its similarities. You may still like it.

"Clark Poundstone is now following you on Twitter!"

I might also mention⁺and in fact I have  that I spotted a wee bit of product placement. As Miller is leaving the briefing at the airport for Operation Shortcut To China,⁺or should that be Hawaii?  two supply pallets covered in Pizza Hut logos can be seen to his right. Later, at what was once Saddam’s palace, one of Miller’s men is heard to remark something akin to "Whoa. These guys have Domino’s and beer!" Since competing brands are mentioned, I’d wager that neither of them are actually paid advertisements.

One of the few humorous moments was the scene where a mess hall full or troops is cheering at a television screen streaming George Bush's infamous "Mission Accomplished" speech. Not quite, George. Not quite.

"This table $10"

The title "Green Zone" doesn’t seem fitting since we only briefly visit the green zone. It should have been called: Dude, Where's My WMD? The plot is engaging, but my interest waned towards the end once the mystery had evaporated. Things were a bit more straight-forward than I had anticipated and so I was slightly disappointed in this regard. That’s not to say that this is a boring film; au contraire. It’s very much the thriller. Green Zone has plenty of action, is fast paced and barely lets up. You won’t fall asleep watching this movie; that’s for sure. I quite enjoyed it.

I’m giving Green Zone a score of three and a half wooden legs out of 5.


Shuftis that liked this film, also liked: Jarhead, Three Kings