Knight and Day Review

It was a slow week at the cinema this week. It was a choice between The Karate Kid or Knight and Day and since I wasn't ready to sit through an unnecessary rehash of a cherished childhood favourite just yet, I opted to see Knight and Day. You might be surprised to hear that it's a fantastic film. And you'd be right to be surprised because I don't usually tell such blatant lies.

Knight and Day is the story of rouge federal agent Roy Millar and all-American tomboy June Haven whose fates become entwined after a chance encounter at an airport. Roy in is possession of a kill-worthy⁺Is it hyphenated? Then it's a real word.  plot device and his pursuers idiotically assume that June is in cahoots with him. And so, not only does Roy have to evade an army of bad guys, but he also has to keep a useless, screaming June alive too. If I were Roy, her role would have been downgraded to "Female Human Shield 1". Bullets are fired out of guns, people in cars chase other people in different cars and everybody goes to Europe. Good times.

"...and then THIS idiot just walks up and kisses me on the mouth. Way to sexually assault a stranger, amiright?"

Tom Cruise    was actually pretty enjoyable as Roy Miller. I've heard a few people complain that they find him difficult to watch after all the couch-jumping and Scientology carry on, which is understandable. I thought I'd have the same trouble, but it turns out I didn't. Tom's looking pretty good too; much younger than a man of 48 should look. His age becomes more apparent when he gets his shirt of, but he's still in good condition. "Roy Miller... Why does that name sound familiar?" This is why.

Cameron Diaz    is a tall clown who I don't ever remember liking, which makes her perfect for the role of June "Lets-play-in-traffic" Haven. At the beginning of the movie, during the relative calm, she was tolerable. As the movie progressed, however, her behaviour became increasingly idiotic and downright frustrating. Cameron - which isn't even a girls name, I might add - always seems to play the bubbly tomboy with sex appeal which you'd expect to be hot, but she just rubs me the wrong way. Perhaps it's because, when I looked at her, all I see is a pair of legs and a clown face.

Peter Sarsgaard    plays Fitzgerald, Roy's former colleague who has been appointed project manager of Operation Dogs Breakfast. Their mission statement: "Capture Roy Miller. Eventually. Maybe. Lunch?" These trigger-happy Henchmen College dropouts seem to have misinterpreted the sign in the locker room which reads "Collateral Damage: It's EVERYONE'S responsibility."
I liked Pete, and he does a good job with the handful of lines he was actually given. I just wish this character had more screen time and was properly developed. I look forward to Pete landing better roles in the future.

As for the visuals, I found the action scenes hard to follow and too damn improbable. I don't mind things being a bit over the top, but these action sequences had less respect for reality than a Warner Bros cartoon. There was some decent hand to hand combat. It's just a shame there wasn't more of it.
Knight and Day looks pretty slick but for the CGI bulls towards the end of the film. The bulls and the sequence they appear in are idiotic and when you see them, you'll realise that you really should have walked out when you got the urge to half an hour ago.

"Sorry, I was in a hurry. I didn't realise I was... out."

And now, I'd like to rant about a bunch of other things that bothered me about Knight and Day. Spoilers below - Do not highlight the following text if you plan on seeing this movie. Also, don't plan on seeing this movie:
So the object that Roy is trying to protect from the baddies is a battery which can power a small city without ever running out; the world's first perpetual motion machine. Of course, this is physically impossible, but it's just a MacGuffin and I can let that slide since it only matters that it's something believably desirable. What urked me was when the thing exploded. Throughout the film the battery got hotter and hotter and you just knew it was going to blow. When it finally did, it just so happened to be at the moment Fitzgerald had nabbed it and reached a minimum safe distance. Not only that, the explosion was no greater than that of a hand grenade. When something that is producing enough energy to power a small city explodes, it should cause a blast worthy of Sydney Harbour on New Years Eve.

"MATT DAMON!" - This is a direct screen grab from the trailer. I kid you not.

While Roy and June are evading baddies on a train in Austria, one of their assailants has a large knife plunged deep into his chest. He then proceeds to slowly and dramatically withdraw the knife before continuing his assault. Puh-lease! I don't care how tough you are; having a massive hole torn in your lung is going to put on your ass. (With the obvious exception of this guy   .)
Also: June can't seem to do a single thing she's told to avoid mortal danger, yet she miraculously survives. She deserves to die several times over. Charles Darwin would be spinning in his grave so much he could power a small city.

I could go on. (And often do - Ed) Nobody's talking to you, Ed!

"Seriously, June. You are dumb as a brick."

Knight and Day proved to be a disappointing movie for me. Not because I expected something great going in, but because the first half of the film was actually quite good and my expectations were raised as a result. Unfortunately, an ever weakening plot, an undeveloped antagonist and the annoying June Haven completely dissolved what little goodwill I had toward this occasionally entertaining film. On a positive note, Knight and Day is the kind of fun, semi-romantic, semi-action flick that makes for a great date movie. So, guys, if you haven't taken the Mrs to see a movie in a while and she's already said "No" to Predators, you could do worse than to meet her halfway by seeing Knight and Day.

I'm giving Knight and Day a score of two and a half Botox injections out of five⁺Remembering that I promised to be more generous with my scores. 

Fun fact: At one stage in development the movie was titled 'Trouble Man' (Dear Lord, really? Even I know that's a terrible name - Ed) with Chris Tucker and Eva Mendes cast in the lead roles. You can read more about the films checkered history in this New York Times article. FYI: If you've already viewed the article, but now it's telling you that you need to subscribe, just delete any cookies from nytimes.com and that should give you access again.

Haha! I can't believe they used the exact frame I was piss-taking earlier as the preview frame for the embedded trailer.