Alice in Wonderland Review

This latest feature film adaptation of Alice in Wonderland sees another beloved childhood tale get the Tim Burton treatment. Those of you who have seen Tim’s interpretation of Charlie’s Adventures in Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory will know that he has about as much respect for the source material as Trump does immigrants. (Updated for 2020! You're welcome. - Ed) Perhaps that’s a bit harsh, but it’s fair to say that he’s not shy about reinventing key elements. If you thought he was heavy handed with his renovation of the chocolate factory, wait til you see the overhaul he’s given Wonderland.

The Road Review

I like a good doomsday flick and ever since the flying train wreck that was 2012, I've been hanging out for something to restore my faith in the genre. I could tell from the preview for The Road that it was going to be a film with substance and not just an excuse to have the CGI guys crash an aircraft carrier into the White House. But just how good is it? Read on and find out just how badly humanity screws itself over this time.

The Road is based on the 2006 book of the same name that won Corman McCarthy the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. Does that name ring a bell? No? Well it should. McCarthy wrote the bleak yet brilliant (but mostly bleak) No Country For Old Men.

Daybreakers Review

I wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't heard Michael and Peter Spierig aka The Spierig Brothers. ^{+Pronunciation? Your guess is as good as mine. I'm going to go with "spear-ig".} Of course I've heard of them. I liked them before the were cool. Back in 2003 they released Undead, a zombie flick set in Queensland.^+Represent! It may have had a small budget, but it's solid viewing for fans of the genre and it even picked up the FIPRESCI Prize at the Melbourne International Film Festival. In fact, I think I'll pick myself up a copy next time I'm at JB Hi-Fi. They have all the latest releases at the best price. Guaranteed!^{+Your business here. Ask about our generous advertising packages.} So I was pleasantly surprised to see the Spearig brothers listed in the opening credits as I sat to watch Daybreakers. I later found out, via the stone tablet that is Wikipedia, that Daybreakers was filmed right here in Queensland and that the creature effects were handled by our mates across the pond at Weta Workshop. If you don't know who they are, I have one word for you: Precioussssss!

Halo 3: ODST Review

Since this is the first game review I've posted, I feel an explanation is in order. I am not one to run out and buy a game at launch. I have done in the past, but I generally don't. The two main reasons for this are: 1) I like to take my time with a game and wont buy another while I have one on the go. I refuse to diminish my enjoyment of a good game just to keep up with the release schedule. 2) In general, the older a game is, the cheaper it is. Since there are still many great games I haven't played, I have plenty to keep me entertained while I wait for the new releases to drop in price.
So this is why I give you this Halo 3: ODST review now and not several months ago. Enjoy.

For the uninitiated: The year is 2553 and the human race is in the middle of having their shit ruined by a bunch of alien scientologists known as The Covenant. This menagerie of religious extremists is made up of several different alien species with devotees numbering in the tens of billions (I assume). The Covenant worship a once great, but now absent group of beings they call The Forerunners. They gallivant around the universe scavenging Forerunner artefacts and ruins with the kind of blind determination only religion can provide. For some reason, the Covenant hierarchs decided that the human race was unworthy of joining The Covenant and that it would be better for everyone if every last human was slaughtered. Most of the human race thought a bit more of themselves than that and put up a fight. Thus, the largest war this galaxy has ever seen rages on.^{+Yes. Even larger than World War II}

Avatar Review

Avatar is what you might call "James Cameron's magnum opus". With 14 years in conception, 4 years in the making and a budget of over $230 million US, this film has promise. But, does it live up to its potential? Let's take a look.

Those familiar with Mr. Cameron's work won't be surprised to find that Avatar is set in the future. We meet our hero in a spacecraft as he wakes from hibernation having arrived (after a presumably long trip) at an alien planet known as Pandora.

Pandora is rich in "Unobtainium", an obscenely valuable mineral that is used for... something. We're never actually told. Maybe it cures cancer or maybe it induces mind blowing, full body orgasms on contact. Who knows? The important thing to know is that it costs about $20 million US per KG. A private company, RDA, has set up operations on Pandora, but alas; they cannot go merrily about the business of mining the magic orgasm rock as a large number of pesky natives are living directly on top of the primary deposit of this prized resource.

Ghost Town Review

When Americans mock the English there's almost always a jibe about England's supposed lack of oral hygiene. That's why I found it amusing to see Ricky Gervais - an Englishmen - as dentist Bertram Pincus, living in New York and tending to the teeth of Americans.

Now, Pincus is clearly not a people person and straight up doesn't care about anyone but himself. This seems to be working fine for him so far if you ignore the fact that he's a lonely, unliked prick. When Pincus undergoes a minor procedure, there is a "complication". The side effect of which being that he can now see the GHOSTs that loiter around TOWN. Pincus is weirded out by the dead folk, but seems more disturbed by the botched operation than the bothersome apparitions.

Astro Boy Review

You knew the day would come. You know that no cherished childhood memory was safe. But you held out hope. you held out hope that when it was time for your beloved Astro Boy to be strapped into the remake chair, he would be given a few minor upgrades and a fresh coat of paint. Instead, he has been beaten beyond recognition by the bat of computer animated children's feature. It is with a heavy heart and a total lack of surprise that I must inform you the Astro Boy did not survive the procedure. This offensive marionette that bears his name may fool the children as they laugh and clap at its antics, but we adults are left bemused, asking "Who is responsible for this crime? Will no one be punished?" Before I continue, you may want to go and change into something black. No? You're right. Astro wouldn't have wanted that.